Fabulous Find Update - Craft Hope Project 9

About a month ago I blogged on this great organization I found called Craft Hope and what they are doing with simple sewing skills to make a difference in lives around the globe. Well, they just finished their last project in which they made towels for cleaning up the animals effected by the oil spill in the Gulf. This week they launched Project 9 and I wanted to make sure you knew about it.

Until September 15 they are running Project 9. Project 9's beneficiary is ConKerr Cancer - an organization dedicated to providing new and stylish pillowcases to all terminally ill children in the United States. Project 9 was established so you could help this organization by making pillowcases. That's it! They give you information about ConKerr Cancer, directions on how to make pillowcases and a list of addresses where you can send your finished pillowcases here. It's nothing huge - just a simple pillowcase. But it's going to make a huge difference in the life of a terminally ill child and their family. When I first saw this I wondered how a pillowcase could really instill hope in something so tragic, but then I saw the pictures. Can you imagine being stuck in such a sterile environment as one that cancer treatment and prevention would provide? Then can you imagine seeing a bright and fun pillowcase in that environment that your child could rest and be comforted on, knowing that someone was thinking and praying just for them, for you, as they created it. That seriously makes me cry and I don't cry easily. It truly is amazing to know that a difference can be made with something so simple. It's beautiful!

Let me know if you decide to participate in this project and send me pictures at karyn@delicatefortress.com! I can't wait to see what all you and I come up with! I'm going to attempt this - I've never made a pillowcase before. Here's my theory - if I create something that has crooked stitches and isn't exactly rectangular shaped, at least it was created in prayer and maybe it will give the family and child something to laugh at!

What do you think?

Lies of the Father (Kids Connect)

Previous Kids Connect

Laban Lies (Genesis 29:21-30)

Reading with your child....
After the 7 years were over Jacob went to Laban and said, "I have done what we agreed to and served you for seven years. Now it is time for you to give me my wife." So Laban threw a big party and held a huge dinner in celebration. In the evening, he gave Leah to Jacob instead of Rachel, but Jacob did not know that. When he woke up in the morning he saw Leah instead of Rachel and knew that Laban had tricked him. He became furious and went to Laban in anger and said to him, "What have you done to me?? I worked 7 years for Rachel and here is Leah - my wife!" Laban simply replied to Jacob, "It is our custom to marry our firstborn daughters first. Keep Leah and next week you can marry Rachel, but only if you work another seven years for her." Jacob agreed to that and the next week he married Rachel. He was obvious to all that he loved Rachel more than Leah and he worked for Laban for another 7 years.

Your child's insights.....
- Explain the difference in marriages at the culture at that time and what we know as marriage today.
- Why do you think Laban lied to Jacob?
- How do you think this whole situation made Leah feel? How about Rachel? Jacob? What about Laban?
- Do you think the second 7 years went as fast as the first 7?

Ideas for prayer with your child.....
- Pray that your child's marriage someday would be filled with faithfulness.
- Pray that your child would marry someone they truly love and who truly loves them.
- Pray that your child will have the wisdom to deal with people who deceive them in their life.
- Pray for perseverance in your child's marriage.
- Pray that your child would not allow deceitfulness into their life.

Your considerings.....
- It is interesting for me to wonder how the second seven years went for Jacob. A lot happens in seven years. Things become commonplace. You would think expectations would be sky high after waiting for 7 years to marry the person you loved. I wonder if those expectations were met for Rachel and Jacob. Personally I doubt they were because they never expected Leah to be a part of that.
- I wonder if Jacob stopped to consider the deceit he had engaged in with Esau after he was deceived.
- I wonder if Rachel was the one posed as the bride throughout the day of the wedding celebration and then was switched to Leah at the end of the night.
- Again, my heart breaks for Leah in this situation. Imagine the hurt she must have felt and experienced knowing she wasn't even wanted in that marriage. I'm sure she couldn't resist what her father told her to do. Imagine how she must have felt when she saw the look of horror on Jacob's face when he realized it was her and not her sister. I wonder why she didn't tell him before it was "too late."
- Talk about dysfunction!

Why Blogging Bites

I mentioned to you yesterday the loneliness I've been experiencing lately.

One of the major areas of discontent and loneliness of my life has been through the course of starting the business. I have found blogging and web business enterprises to be very lonely ventures. There is a lot of competition out there. Did you know there are over 250 million websites out there?

I have run into several blogs that seem to have exploded in a short amount of time with thousands of followers and readers and all that other stuff. I go to Target all the time. Business success right in front of me.

I obviously do not run the Idea Room nor do I run Target! And that is lonely.

I have been racking my brain for the last several months - wondering what I'm doing wrong. And also just wondering what I'm doing. Striving to find great ways to encourage the survival of the business and my blogs. So many of those outreaches have just flopped. And that has driven me crazy because I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. I'm worn out from striving and I want to be done being worn out.

I do pray about almost everything I post and do with the business. But I AM STRIVING. I am not resting in Him to guide me. I am pushing ahead after quick prayers and hopes that things will work out because, hey, why wouldn't they? They all sound like phenomenal ideas to me!

It sounds contradictory, but I am going to make a serious effort to rest in Him. To take longer to pray before making decisions. To take more breaks just to think - or not think. Blogging, I have found, can consume my entire mind for great lengths of time. What to blog about next? How to write it? On and on. It's interesting because when I when I even THINK about hiding in the refuge He offers me and resting in His strength, I feel SO MUCH MORE peaceful. What a beautiful gift He offers me. I want to start accepting it now. And I don't want to go back.

Can you relate?




My Fortress - Jeremy Camp
I can feel it coming over me,
All the weight of what this fear can bring.
I know on my own I can't survive,
And I'm fading fast now.
I'm closing in on what's in store for me,
All the rest in your security.
I'm holding on to the words You speak,
And You're speaking clear now.
I'm running fast to seek Your face,
Head first I dive into Your grace.

Chorus:
You are my fortress,
You are the refuge where I hide.
You are the strength when I can't fight,
You are the only one I rest my life in.
You are the only hope I find,
You are my only peace of mind.
You are the only one I rest my life in.

I'm taking hold of what's in front of me,
A place where I can rest my weary feet.
There's no other place that I can go,
So I'm waiting here now.
I'm letting go what the world will bring,
A sanctuary that will never breathe.
I found my heart in that place before,
But I'll never go back.
I'm running fast to seek your face,
Head first I dive into your grace.

You are my fortress
You are the refuge where I hide.
You are the strength when I can't fight,
You are the only one I rest my life in.
You are the only hope I find,
You are my only peace of mind.
You are the only one I rest my life in.

I get lost within that place,
The place where I'll always wish I stay.
Oh.

Oh, You are my fortress,
You are the refuge.
You are the only hope I find,
You are the only one I rest my life in. Oh, You are my fortress,
You are the refuge.
You are my only peace of mind,
You are the only one I rest my life in.
Oh, You are the only one,
Only one I rest my life in Lord.
You are my hope,
My strength, my life, my peace.
My rock, my joy, my everything now, oh.
You are the refuge where I hide,
You are the only one I rest my life in.

Thoughts on Envy

Lately I have noticed loneliness as a common thread running through my life. It seems to be all around me. I’m also noticing that the lonelier I’m getting the more envious I’m getting too.

Wishing I had as many friends as that other friend does, or followers in blog land terms. Wishing I had the marriage that person seems to or the strength of character of that one. Wishing I had the success that person does or even that I got as many thank you’s as them.

When envy reaches into the depths of a marriage, its reach can become potent. As I considered the question – am I supportive? And then, do I keep track of what I do in comparison to my husband?, I had to step back. And answer no.

I want to support my husband and all that he does, but I can not say that I do that in all humility and grace all the time. It’s hard, as a stay at home mom, to listen to all the great things my husband gets to do at work and all that he accomplishes there and not feel envious. It’s hard, when staying at home is mostly a thankless enterprise, to work at everything around the house in the name of all the people who live there and not keep track of what I’ve done in comparison to what I feel my husband has or hasn’t done in the same arena. I knew I was going to write about this tonight, but as I talked to my husband tonight, the conversation took on a flavor of envy. And I’m the one who injected it. It seemed completely justifiable – the things I was comparing. And maybe it was, but it is not my job to bring that up. It is God’s.

You know, part of me likes the envy. Part of me likes setting up the comparisons and pointing out everything I feel like I’ve done to make our home a better place, etc. because I want to hear it. And I want my husband to hear it too. It’s still wrong though.

My purpose in life is to trust in God and that He can and WILL take care of me and even that He SEES ME. I’m learning, very slowly, but hopefully also very surely, that God longs to be with me in the loneliness and insecurity I’m experiencing. That all that REALLY matters is that He and I are together. I MUST find a way to focus on Him at every turn so that I don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. I MUST focus on Him to keep the focus off of myself. When I start being envious and unsupportive of my husband; when I start comparing EVERYTHING I feel like I am doing around the house, or with the kids, or whatever else in comparison to what I think he is or isn’t doing, I’m focusing on me. And that results in distance between myself and my husband and my God.

The plan for this week is to keep focusing on Him and to know that He has made me exactly who He wants me to be. That He gives me the purposes in my life (and that He gives my husband the purposes in his) because we were designed for them. Perhaps God sees them both as worthy enterprises – the mom staying home doing laundry and the man working in other’s lives out of the house.

When I know that I have no true reason to be envious, the envy can stop. I pray that it will.

Does envy effect you or your marriage? How do you fight it?

Considering Envy

Continuing on with our marriage challenge this week: Am I envious?

In order to help consider whether or not you are envious, ask yourself these questions:

• Am I supportive?
• Do I keep score when I feel like I do more?
  

More thoughts on this tomorrow.

Fabulous Find - cnet.com and Photo Recovery

Remember when I talked about the Maeve Memorial Run we participated in a couple of weeks ago? Remember how I said that I was taking pictures for it? Well, I did that in part because I love to and in part because Jon and Melissa asked me to. I took over 1600 pictures that day. That night I anxiously put the memory card in the computer and looked at all the pictures. Next day, took it out, put it back in the camera and started taking more pictures at a birthday party we went to. I ran out of room (surprise, surprise!) on the memory card, so I just started deleting pictures and taking more. On the car ride home I continued to delete them until it dawned me, in a very sickening way, that I had not SAVED the pictures to the computer when I viewed them the night before. I felt like I was going to throw up when I realized that. I made my husband reverse course and go home (we had been on the way to another engagement) and I checked the computer, JUST IN CASE.

nothing.

No saved pictures.

I spent the next day googling photo recovery and if it would even be possible to recover ANY of the pictures I had deleted. Lo and behold, there is a way!!!!

Cnet.com has been my friend for about a year now. I have utilized it as a resource to learn and make decisions on purchases for anything from a handheld camcorder to which shopping cart software to use for the business. Cnet did not let me down this time. One of the most inexpensive photo software recovery programs was listed and reviewed on cnet and I could even buy it from there! I ended up purchasing Adroit Photo Recovery. I did the trial first, which was free. It showed me all the pictures I had deleted and then I had the option to buy if I wanted them recovered. Ummm. Let me think. YES I WANT THEM RECOVERED. $20 and 3 minutes later, wahlah, all the pictures, safely stored on my computer.

So if you need anything new in your life - camcorder, camera, registrar for your website, shopping cart software, TVs - anything that relates to technology at all, you have to check out this site.

And if you are ever like me and you delete too many pictures, you don't have to throw up. Cnet.com to the rescue!!

Waiting for Rachel (Kids Connect)

Previous Kids Connect

Jacob And Rachel (Genesis 29)

Reading with your child......
After Jacob had been living with Laban and his family for a month Laban asked Jacob, "Hey, I know you are helping to take care of things around here. You shouldn't work for free! What can I pay you?"

It turned out that Jacob was in love with Rachel, one of Laban's daughters. Laban had two daughters, Leah and Rachel. Rachel was very beautiful and Jacob wanted to marry her. So he told Laban, "I will work seven years for you if you will give Rachel to me as my wife."

Laban agreed to this, so Jacob worked seven years for Laban, but it only seemed like a few days to him because he loved Rachel so much.

Questions to tap into your child's insights.....
- Is there anything you have wanted enough that you could imagine working seven years to pay off?
- Tell your child your story with your spouse and how long you were engaged before you got married.

Ideas for prayer with and for your child.....
- Pray for your child to be patient for the right spouse for them.
- Pray for the time when your child is engaged to their future spouse that it would be a time of discovery and thorough preparation.

Your considerings....
I just always feel terrible for Leah when I read this passage. What does "her eyes were weak" mean anyway? I think I relate to her more - the average girl, not necessarily desired by men, just average with her share of weaknesses. There is a huge part of me that wishes Jacob would have been in love with her. But hey, I'm not the Creator of the universe.

The other thing that strikes me is that the time seemed like only a few days to Jacob. I can remember my engagement with my husband feeling like it lasted an eternity right up until the very end because I was so excited to marry him. Can you relate to Jacob here?

A Family That Will Inspire You

This week I'm doing a series on a beautiful family I just started working with. Their story is inspiring and courageous. I invite you to read and share it here.

Take You Back

I was overcome with emotion when I watched the video to this song today for two reasons.

1. It reminded me of my brother. I have been praying for a long time for him. He has been in pain for a long time. Turning to so many "answers" that have yet to fulfill and solve anything, he seems like he has been wondering for the longest time. He has had a painful life. He knows about God. He knows about Jesus. I was with him when he asked Jesus into his heart, yet his heart is now far from Him. I don't think my brother thinks that is really the answer. Yet. It is so hard to watch someone struggle as I have seen him and not even have the slightest clue how to respond. He literally has nothing in his ownership other than a car and a chainsaw. The pain of life is still overwhelming for him and he's still searching for answers.

2. It reminded me of me. I have struggled along with my brother looking for security in all the wrong places. I still look for it around me in places other than where it truly belongs. Relationships that I suffocated because of my longing to find security in them have resulted in great pain and regret. That horrible feeling when you wake up in the morning and know you can't take whatever you said or did back. Those memories haunt me. I have accepted Christ and try to live as He wants me to but I am still haunted.

And yet....He is willing to take both of us back. I have gone back and forth with God so many times in my life - accepting and praising Him with all that I am and then pushing Him away with anger and disgust at other times. It is shameful when I think of those times. But when I come back, He is there.

I've included the music and lyrics to this beautiful song here, but the video is so powerful that it's worth the 4 minutes it takes to see it. You can link to it here.

Take a listen to this song and praise Him for His unending mercy and forgiveness. And if you think of it, please say a prayer for my brother.



I'll Take You Back
The reason why I stand
The answer lies in you
You hung to make me strong
Though my praise was few
When I fall I bring your name down
But I have found in you
A heart that bleeds forgiveness
replacing all these thoughts of painful memories
But I know that your response will always be

I'll take you back always
Even when your fight is over now (x2)
I'll take you back always and
Even when the pain is coming through (x2)
I'll take you back

You satisfy this cry
Of what I'm looking for
And I'll take all I can
And lay it down before
The throne of endless grace now that radiates what's true
I'm in the only place that
erases all these faults
That have overtaken me
But I know that your response will always be

I'll take you back always and
Even when your fight is over now(x2)
I'll take you back always
Even when the pain is coming through(x2)
I'll take you back

I can only speak with a grateful heart
As I'm pierced by this gift of your love
I will always bring an offering
I can never thank you enough

You take me back always
Even when my fight is over now (x2)
You take me back always
Even when my pain is coming through(x2)
You take me back (repeat these 5 lines twice)

Thoughts on Kindness

Disclaimer - I'm feeling pretty sarcastic tonight, so we'll see how this goes.....

So everyone knows what it means to be kind. I decided for kicks (meaning for the sake of this blog post), I would google "how to be kind". Some crazy stuff came up and then I saw that ehow.com and wikihow both talked about kindness. I think it's kind of sad that people have actually typed up how to be kind, but I'm going to join the ranks of sadness myself and write about it too. I'm going to paraphrase what I actually found to be some interesting tips and I'm going to try them on my husband this week. I'm pretty sure he'll notice. Here is the complete article if you'd like to see it. And without further ado and in no particular order........

• Smile.
• Be positive. Ehow suggests using a positive attitude and tone of voice instead of calling names and cursing. What a novel idea! (And that would be an example of sarcasm and not positive attitude.)
  
• Compliment your spouse.
  
• Listen by making eye contact and not interrupting. Oh, my husband would like the eye contact thing instead of my bonding with the computer while he talks. (Mental note.)
• Say thank you. Let your spouse know in some way you appreciate them. My husband sent me a text yesterday saying he was glad to have had some time with just me during the day. Made a huge difference in my day.
• Be polite.
  
• Offer to help your spouse with something. (No. Not pack their bags.)
  
• Be nice.

There you have it. As sing songy as that is, it's still true and good thoughts to go on to be kind. See if there is something on this list that you could challenge yourself to work on this week. And remember, NO SWEARING!

Challenging Your Marriage - Am I Kind?

Consider with me this week....

In my marriage, am I kind to my spouse? Am I kind in thought, words and actions toward them?

More on this tomorrow....

They are His

On Monday I read a post from the Idea Room, the woman who did a giveaway for me, about a precious little girl named Preslee who needed prayer. As I followed her links, I learned that little Preslee had fallen into a canal somehow and was carried 2-3 miles downstream where a farmer found her and began CPR immediately. She was flown to a hospital and placed on life support. During this past week she had her up and down days, but then all of a sudden, on Thursday her mother, Ashley, posted this on their family blog.....

"Preslee has shown us today that perhaps there is a different plan for her than we originally thought. Throughout the events of today and yesterday Preslee’s conditions have changed down a different path and her little spirit is torn between two worlds. Strange to say but there has been a distinct difference in the feeling of her hospital room today. From one day to the next. It’s as if her valiant little spirit is just staying for us. Just staying long enough for us to realize that this is not the end."

Yesterday, Preslee Jo Sullenger passed away.

Why am I writing this?

I have a teeny tiny blog following. I oftentimes sit back and think, "Who in the world cares what I have to think? I'm not a great writer. I'm not an expert at anything. Who would even want to read this?" Not out of self condemnation as much as humility. It's really just another person among the millions who are blogging. I have decided that I'm going to write this blog as a personal journal on thoughts I have just because. That's it. I want to strive to not be worrying about comments and followers even though I do for some reason. I know God knows what I'm writing. Maybe someone will read this, but maybe not. It's a way to share my joys and struggles and questions in life with Him. And if He's the only One who reads it, who am I to ask for anything more?

So here is the reason for this particular post, just in case it is read about later.

I have a tremendous fear of something happening to one of my children. It started the second our first child was born. I worried about SIDS and RSV and a host of other things. I was terrified if anyone had a cold and something happened to him because of that. I have found myself on the verge of major anxiety worrying about car rides. The preparation for an airplane ride is just torture in my head. I don't want to take any risks because I'm afraid of the feeling that Preslee's parents must be experiencing right now. The feeling of never holding their precious child again or the questions of why this happened and how and if it could have been prevented. I'm afraid of reconciling a good God with a tragic happenstance to someone so innocent and the fact that He knew about it beforehand. I just don't get that.

I was talking to a dear friend of mine about these feelings and how crippling they can be at times for me and she looked at me and said, "Really?!?" She could not relate. I couldn't imagine how she had never felt that way and didn't experience those feelings at all. She said to me, "I know my children are God's anyway and He will take care of them."

Those simple words resounded in my head with peace and truth. It actually took me aback. That evening my husband was taking the kids to his parents for the weekend. Not only is it a long trip, but his parents have these incredibly steep wooden steps into their concrete floored basement and then a big old pond right outside their house. Fear, fear, fear. I poked my head in my husband's vehicle to kiss them all and tell them I loved them and that fear started suffocating me. And I heard those words again, "He will take care of them. They are His." It brought me peace because I had to recognize that I truly am powerless. If the end of their days has come, there is zero I can do about it. I am powerless to change anything and what truly matters is that HE IS WITH THEM. HE WILL COMFORT THEM.

I believe He was with Preslee through each step as she approached heaven's throne and I believe He is with her now.

I still beg God to protect my children and to have me go first because I can't imagine the pain of losing them, but I know that no matter what happens in the life of our family, He will be with each one of us, comforting and carrying us through each event.

It's hard to reach out to a parent who has lost a child when I am a parent who hasn't lost a child, but I can advocate for them in prayer and pass their story along so that others will pray for them. If you read this and have a desire to follow this family's story, you can find their blog here. Friends of theirs have also set up a fund for Preslee's parents to cover her medical expenses. If you would like to donate to that fund, you can go to this blogspot or click on this button.

Fabulous Find - Pop Tab Donation

I think this is one of the coolest, simplest things I have ever seen!

I had to go to a website for the business this week through one of our suppliers, The Enterprising Kitchen. While I was there, I saw this side tab about a different way to support them. It led me to Moda Esperanza. Here is what they have to say about their mission.....

"The pop tab is a simple thing, one that many of us discard without a second thought, but through the Esperanza Project, the simple pop tab is changing lives.

Women and single mothers, many whom are orphans themselves, are empowered by earning a fair wage, while still being able to care for their children, by turning recycled pop tabs into beautiful purses, belts, bracelets and other fashionable accessories.

Collaboration between these women and local Chicago charities began in 2009. The charities include the Ronald McDonald House Charities - Chicago/Northwest Indiana Chapter (RMHC-CNI) and The Enterprising Kitchen (TEK).

RMHC-CNI improves the health, well-being and education of children through various programs. One of their main objectives is to keep families together as their children face severe medical challenges.

TEK empowers low-income women in the U.S. by teaching them job skills and helping them build a foundation for permanent employment and self-sufficiency, much like the women in Honduras.

Every person who buys an Esperanza product is empowered by knowing that they share in the advancement of women and families in both the U.S. and Honduras and in environmental sustainability.

The profits made from the sales of these products are 100% charitable."

Want to see what all they can make from a silly little pop tab? Check out their offerings here. Maybe this doesn't suit your taste or budget. You can still help by donating pop tabs! Just send them to this address:

Carolyn Nopar
Executive Director
The Enterprising Kitchen
4426 North Ravenswood
Chicago, IL 60640

Now my change jar can have some company with a pop tab jar! And cheers for drinking pop with purpose!

A Long Lost Relative (Kids Connect)

Jacob Meets Rachel (Genesis 29)

Reading with your child.....
Jacob continued to travel east and after a long time found a well in a field with three flocks of sheep lying beside it. In those days wells had large stones on top of them so nothing would fall down them. When it was time to water the flocks, the stone would be rolled away, they would water the sheep and then put the stone back in its place. When Jacob went to this particular well, there were several men beside it along with the sheep. Jacob called out to them and said, "My brothers, where are you from?" Jacob didn't know where he was exactly! The men told them they were from Haran. Jacob said, "Do you know Laban, the son of Nahor?" "Yes!", they replied. "Is he alright?" Jacob asked. And they answered, "Yes, he is well. As a matter of fact, here comes his daughter Rachel now with the sheep." Jacob said to them "Its about noon. It isn't time for the livestock to be gathered. Water the sheep and then put them in the field." But the men told him they weren't able to do that because the flocks were not all gathered and the stone had not been rolled away yet.

While Jacob was still talking with them, Rachel approached with her father's sheep because she was taking care of them. When Jacob saw her, he went up to the well, unrolled the stone and watered the sheep himself. Then he kissed Rachel and cried because he was so happy to see her. He told her that he was a relative of hers, in fact her father's nephew since Laban and Rebekah were brother and sister. Rachel ran and told her father and he ran to Jacob and hugged and kissed him. He welcomed Jacob and Jacob stayed with them for a month.

Your child's insights.....
- Have you ever gone some where and not known where you were when you got there? How did that feel? How did that change once you knew where you were and that it was someplace exciting?
- Have you ever been so excited to see someone you didn't know what to do with yourself?
- Have you ever met a relative that you had never met before? What did it feel like?
- Do you think Jacob was bossy with the men he met? Why or why not?

Ideas for prayer with your child......
- Pray that they would be able to meet relatives that live at a distance and enjoy relationships with them.
- Pray for strong connections with your children if they ever are at a long distance from you.
- Talk to your child about a relative who lives far away from you and how it would feel to meet them again. Perhaps relate this to meeting loved ones in heaven.

Some thoughts for your consideration......
- Jacob is a pretty arrogant person in my mind. He shows up, invited, and starts ordering the other men around then he does exactly what they say it isn't time to do yet by watering the sheep. He had to make a tremendous effort to go against them and move an incredibly heavy stone just to impress Rachel. I wonder what she thought....
- As parents, I don't think it is ever too early to start praying about our children when they are grown. I think stories such as this are good reminders to do that - to pray for a time when we might be at a distance from our children, in any sense, and seek God for strength, wisdom and loving interactions with them for whenever that time comes.
- It is so joyful meeting loved ones after not seeing them for an extended time. There is something very sweet about a reunion that has been longed for, especially for one that you didn't imagine you would have. I just went to a reunion a few weeks ago and it was incredible seeing the children of my friends and family I had either never met before or hadn't seen in a very long time. There is just something incredible about seeing a child who has grown and changed into a responsible and self sufficient person. I wonder what it will be like to reunite with loved ones in heaven surrounded by joy and seeing the wonder of perfection in one another.

All Things New

Praise God that He makes all things new. We need not feel hopeless because He WILL, in His time, redeem it all.



All Things New

You spoke and made the sunrise, to light up the very first day
You breathed across the water, and started the very first wave
It was You
You introduced Your glory, to every living creature on earth
And they started singing, the first song to ever be heard
They sang for You

You make all things new
You make all things new

Then the world was broken, fallen and battered and scarred
You took the hopeless, the life, wasted, ruined and marred
And made it new

You make all things new
You make all things new
You redeem and You transform
You renew and You restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You

You turn winter into spring
You take every living thing
And You breathe Your breath of life into it over and over again

You made the sunrise, day after day after day
But there's a morning coming, when old things will all pass away
And everyone will see

You make all things new
You make all things new
Come redeem and come transform
Come renew and come restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You

Now and forever You are making all things new
You're making all things new

Hallelujah...

Thoughts on Patience

Patience. The necessity of patience in a marriage is incredible.

Patience when he is running late from work and has forgotten to call....again. Patience when she sweeps up dirt piles and then forgets to clean them up.....again. Patience when the budget seems like it's never finished. Patience when neither of you know exactly what to do with a particular parenting problem. Patience when children don't arrive, even though you desperately want them. Patience through illness. The list is never ending.

I am an impulsive person. Impulsivity does not easily lend itself to patience. In fact in my case, it seems pretty near impossible. Yet in order to love, I must be patient.

Acknowledging that my husband didn't call me because he forgot, not because he could care less about me helps. Intentions and motives make all the difference in being patient. So do deep breaths and steps backwards.

Considering intentions and motives seems selfish though. What about a spouse who is difficult to love for whatever reason? How can I act patiently with them when my heart is far from them? How can I be patient when I just don't want to be?

FOCUS. Prayer. God, the author and perfector of love itself, is the only way to any true and heartfelt change. He is the only One who is going to change something so deeply engrained within me. Letting the Holy Spirit work in my life in this area is the part that will be the most difficult. How sad is it that things that are so against my grain literally feel painful when I try to change them? It is so much easier to just stay the way I am and expect my husband will still accept me or at least accept that our marriage will be the same as it's always been.

But I'll still see the look.

The look of hurt when I tell him he's done something wrong.....again. The look of hurt when I fly off the handle about something ridiculous. The look of loneliness when he thinks he has to meet all my desires and needs. Right now!

That should be my biggest motivator after God's calling for me to obey Him.

The next time I am tempted to lose my patience and freak out about whatever, I'm going to look into the eyes of who I am interacting with, be it a friend, my children or my husband. Don't eyes reveal the soul of the person? I'm going to remember that I am talking to one of God's beautiful creations. And if I mess up, I'll pray about it and try again the next time because if you're me, which I am, there will be MANY opportunities to instill patience in my soul.

Share with me your thoughts. I have a feeling I'm going to need them.

Challenging Your Marriage - Am I Patient?

I just finished reading the book "The Bathtub is Overflowing But I Feel Drained" by Lysa TerKeurst. Each time I picked up the book and read another chapter I was reminded to reset my focus, reset my focus, reset my focus. On Him. On what actually matters. I was challenged in my walk with Christ, my parenting and my marriage. I expected a cheesy mom book but that's not what I got.

Lysa inspired me to take a hard look at my marriage. In light of that, I'm starting a series called "Challenging My Marriage". I'm going to be using the Marriage Assessment based on 1 Corinthians 13 Lysa uses in her book. Each week we'll be challenged to take another look into our marriages based on the calling of Christ. To participate, just ask yourself the question and if you need to make improvements pray about it and strive to do the hard work. I believe coming alongside each other and working together will help - for encouragement, accountability and wisdom. Encourage your friends and readers to challenge their marriages by taking the button on the side and posting it on your blog or website. On Mondays the questions will be posed and on Tuesday I'll prayerfully give some of my thoughts. I challenge you to truthfully think on the things we comment on here, share your thoughts and strengths and weaknesses on these issues and encourage one another.

Consider with me......

Am I patient with my spouse? In other words am I flexible and understanding?

Still Looking

I'll never forget driving in my car while doing home care one time and hearing an interview Dr. Dobson was doing on his daily Focus on the Family broadcast. The speaker said, "If a girl doesn't have the kind of father she needs when she's growing up, she will spend the rest of her life looking for him."

Those words made things make more sense to me. It made my interactions and hopes and disappointments in my husband and other men around me make more sense. It made some of my worst mistakes, although I still take ownership of them, make more sense. I believe with my whole heart that the words I heard that day are true.

I did go to the reunion I talked about last week over the weekend of the 4th. It actually went very well. I was able to see relatives that I haven't for a very long time and talk to "kids" I grew up with who are no longer kids that I haven't seen in an equally long time. I think spacing attending those reunions out a good 5-10 years might be a good idea! Despite the pain in the family, there were many people there who were genuine and genuinely living their lives for Christ and striving to do so in their own families. I am proud of that. Christ works in a family of hurt and it was beautiful to see His rays of light intermixed with the pain. I am grateful I went and stuck around long enough to see those lights.

This was my dad's family. My dad and I did not have a good relationship when I was growing up. There was quite a bit of pain involved and very little to balance it out. I can remember only a handful of times when we spent any time together. I don't believe I had the kind of father I needed.

After things completely fell apart in my family my dad did go to counseling and has received a lot of help and our relationship has improved a great deal. He is much more involved in our family than I imagined he would be and I'm seeing him spend time with my children in ways that didn't exist when I was growing up. That has been nice to see.

But it still hurts.

At the reunion this weekend, a relative whom I am very uncomfortable with, approached me. Even though nothing happened whatsoever, I still wanted someone to rescue me from that situation. (That could be a whole host of other issues though!) I had just talked to my dad a couple days before why I was uncomfortable with that person. Although he agreed I had reason to be uncomfortable, that confession didn't make him angry at or spend less time with that person. I was so disappointed in that, even if it wasn't reasonable to expect any involvement from him. As I've worked on the business, struggled in my marriage, experienced the isolation moving frequently brings and a whole host of other things, I've longed for someone, someone strong, to just hold me and tell me it would be okay. I don't think that's healthy as a grown woman. I think its there though because I think I missed being held and being told I could do "it" and that I was strong enough to get "it" done. I missed my dad saying he would be there when I didn't feel like I could do any of those things.

I go back and forth frequently in my relationship with my dad. Part of the time, I spend a lot of time with him and talk to him frequently and approach the relationship like we are close. The other times, when I feel disappointed by something I hoped he would do but didn't (in a fatherly way - like at the reunion), I again grow distant and just hurt when I see and talk to him.

I wish I knew what to do with that conflict. Is it normal?

Dear friends of ours visited us just before the reunion and talked to me about how I was feeling. They reminded me that until I have come to some kind of acceptance that that dad hole can't be filled in now that I'm grown it is going to still hurt - in a raw kind of way.

How many girls and women walk around this way, every day? Missing their dad from their childhood and having a hole that isn't filled in? How many women use it to view interactions with other men, make decisions and even interact with God? Probably too many for us to count. Only He knows and only with His help, grace and time will that acceptance come.

I think I'll just keep praying and see what happens. I know though that the same rays of light I saw at the reunion, I see with many men around us now. Men who are holding their little girls. Playing with them, kissing their foreheads, praying with them, just simply loving them. One of them is my husband. I am so incredibly grateful for the kind of father he is. It is so beautiful to see him loving our daughters and knowing that they will never have a hole because they've missed him. I thank God for that personal ray of light.

I know that same ray of light will come into my soul and fill that hole someday. Maybe not this side of heaven, but it will happen. And that gives me joy.

Dreams From God (Kids Connect)

Jacob's Dream (Genesis 28)

Reading with your child......
Jacob left and started walking toward Haran. As the sun set and evening approched Jacob found a place to camp for the night and used a stone for a pillow. While he was sleeping he had a dream. A ladder was on the ground and reached up toward heaven and angels were going up and down the ladder. The Lord stood at the top of the ladder and said to Jacob, "I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac; the land on which you lie, I will give it to you and your descendants. Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth and you will spread out to the west and to the east and to the north and to the south; and in you and in your children all the families of the earth will be blessed. I am with you and will keep you wherever you go and will bring you back to this land;f or I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." Jacob woke up and was afraid because he realized God had been talking to him. He said, "How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God and this is the gate of heaven." Then he took the stone he had been sleeping on and set it up as a pillar and poured oil on its top and he called the name of the place Bethel (which means the house of God). Then Jacob made a promise saying, "If God will be with me and will keep me on this journey that I will take and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear and I return to my father's house safely, then the Lord will be my God. This stone, which I have set up as a pillar will be God's house and of all that You give me I will surely give a tenth to You."

Your child's insights.....
- What kinds of dreams do you have?
- Can you imagine sleeping with a rock as a pillow?
- What do you think God meant when he said he would keep Jacob?
- Why do you think Jacob was afraid when he woke up?
- Why do you think Jacob set up a pillar?
- Are there ways we set up pillars to remember things and to honor God?
- Talk to your children about tithing.

Ideas for prayer with your child.....
- Pray that they would know that God keeps them.
- Pray that they would remember when God is faithful to them.
- Pray that they would be able to give back to God in joy and faithfulness.

An activity to do with your child......
- Find a place in your home where you can set something up as a reminder of God and His faithfulness to your family.

Some thoughts for your consideration.....
- How long do you think you may have stayed in that place knowing that it was indeed the gate of heaven and knowing that God had spoken to you there? Do you think you would stay in reverance? Or would you leave in excitement to start heading toward the goal God had promised?
- Is there a particular place you go to remember God's faithfulness and promises to you?
- I am taken aback at Jacob's response to the dream. It made sense to me until Jacob made his promise. He basically said, "If God holds up His end, then I'll hold up mine." I don't know anything about the Hebrew used in this passage but I wish I did. Was Jacob not "claiming" God until He fulfilled the promise or not? What do you think?

Previous Kids Connect - Can you imagine this anger?

Comic Relief

Welcome to Wednesday - the day when I specifically aim to encourage.

This blog has been very serious lately, which absolutely has it's place, but today lets have a little comic relief.

Joke 1 - A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

Joke 2 - A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “That driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Video - Baby Panda Sneezing

Remembering Maeve

We got our call at about 1:30 in the morning. Maeve Alice Miller had been born.

When Jon and Melissa went for their second ultrasound it was discovered that their baby had a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. She was missing an important component of her chest cavity, one that would seperate her abdominal organs from her heart and lungs. They didn't know how bad it would be but knew that Maeve could be on any part of the CDH spectrum - either needing a simple surgery within a few days of birth that would end the problem or potentially not making it at all.

Maeve needed help breathing immediately. She was flown from a local hospital to a children's hospital 2 1/2 hours away from where she was born. She remained there her entire life. Beautiful Maeve passed away after only 20 short days for us, but 20 very long days for her.

That little girl was a fighter. Much like her big sister, she kept people guessing and she surpassed odds in many ways. Her parents and family were by her side constantly. She was and is greatly loved. She was prayed for, fasted for, advocated for, fought for. Her brief life touched so many others and her parents are doing everything in their power to make sure that doesn't end.



This past weekend was the first annual Maeve Alice Memorial Run and it was one of the most inspiring events I have ever been to. They had 80 adult runners who ran for 3 1/2 miles over challenging terrain with hills, rope climbs, mudpits and hurdles. My husband ran. I took pictures.

I am not a runner and have never aspired to be. I have to say though, if anything would inspire me to run, it would be this.

From my standpoint, I overlooked the cliff to see people struggling up the rope climb. Turning 180 degrees was the finish line. I watched people challenge themselves in ways they never had before with little to no training, climb up that rope only to have to come back and do it again 3 more times before finally finishing the race. The look of victory on their faces when they made it to the top was incredible.



I feel honored to have seen Maeve run her race. She had hurdles and challenges she was able to make it through that no adult would have survived. That little girl fought. And she emerged victorious.

I watched both Jon and Melissa run the race for the last year since their precious baby was born. I have seen them struggle yet emerge victorious. This weekend they both ran the race set before them. Jon finished the race first and then ran Melissa's last lap with her, backing off at the end to allow her to finish the race amid cheers and encouragement of those who love her. It was an incredible testament to the fact that they continue to be united despite an experience that would test a marriage in ways beyond comprehension. They have stayed together.



I wish I could describe with words the inspiration of this baby girl and the beauty she radiated. Her parents will continue to show others Maeve's inspiration and fighting spirit as they continue to run their race. They will emerge victorious as they continue to trust in the Savior who holds their daughter in His arms.

Fabulous Blog Finds - The Momtage and The Idea Room

I recently found the Momtage website through this blog and have really come to enjoy it. It's a brand new blog/community for moms in all walks of life. At the time being it is a small community, but the potential for this site is amazing. A down to earth and practical approach to mothering and all topics therein. Dana and Holly have a desire to develop a sisterhood among moms through their site and they have found some great ways to do this - hosting a book club (which was the main selling point for me), offering laundry tips and exploring many walks of motherhood. I am truly excited about what is going to become of this site and I encourage you to check it out here.

The Idea Room - I am in love with this blog and if you enjoy creativity at all and seeing what is out there that other people are creating or finding inspiring ideas for your creativity niche, this blog is for you. She discusses and provides tutorials for everything from dresses to pincushions to fruity popsickles. Her blog also features great ideas and tips from Kristen Duke photography. She just did a piece on great ideas for taking candid photos which I found to be really helpful in taking pictures of our family at the beach a couple weeks ago. I got some great shots that I will proudly display in my home! Amy has found a tremendous following in the short time she has been blogging and I am one of her faithful followers. Each Monday she does a giveaway, which Delicate Fortress is going to be a part of next week. Woohoo! I am really excited about researching the one she is doing today! Check out her blog here.

Living in a Family with Hurt

I grew up in a family that was fiercely loyal. I grew up in an extended family that seemed to go through everything together - drunkenness, car accidents with crippling consequences, elders with massive and debilitating strokes, crumbled marriages, multiple marriages, births of children out of wedlock, sexual abuse, physical abuse, children with memories starting way later than they should have been, jail time, cancer.

The secrecy and deception that prevaded is now astonishing. As I was growing up, everyone within the family knew things but they were to be kept within that family - not elsewhere. If they were talked about, it was with hushed voices in an atmosphere where it was just known that what was said there stayed there. And it was all done within a sphere of "Christianity". Let's pray about it and let then carefully tuck it under the rug, only to be brought out again at determined and quiet times.

I didn't even start to question that mentality until I went to college, but really didn't question it until I started going to counseling. I see my family completely differently now.

I see it as devastating.

I see what role I had in it and the deception I continued within that family and I want no part of it whatsoever. One of the problems is how to be a part of this family still and what part, if any, to take.

I no longer want to be a part of any deception and I do NOT want to be a part of the cycle of continued deception and hiddenness. I do NOT want my children to be a part of that cycle or even think it is remotely near acceptable. Family loyalty? Yes. Family deception with the aim to protect? Absolutely not.

The thing is I still love my family. I look forward to seeing most of them without a sense of anger or even hesitancy. I understand everyone has their faults and all families have something and I am not to judge and all of that.

How do I combine those two things?

The 4th of July a big reunion is always held. My grandmother was one of 13 children and it is this extended family that I am talking about. I have refused to go to the reunions because that's all I can see and feel - the deception and acceptance of that deception and how it has effected my life. I am convinced that each of those 13 siblings has carried that deception into their own families in their own ways.

I know that if I go to this reunion and if I would mention any of this to any one of those people, they would be quick to throw me under the bus, convince me that the things I'm saying are justified or untrue and then convince me not to tell anyone. It's a horrible change from the way I used to see these people and how I used to looked at those reunions. I think ignorance was bliss. But its not truth.

Within my immediate family abusive situations occurred. In the theme of the extended family, we kept it to ourselves. I kept everything to myself until I went to college. Then I started talking. The more I realized and admitted what happened, the more truth and greater comfort I have received. The more healing has occurred. I'm not out there with posters or anything advertising our situation, but I am honest about it. I have learned how to talk to my family about what has happened and not to shy away from it. That's the family I want to be a part of. A family that can admit their mistakes, no matter how devastating they may be and do what they can to work together to change those mistakes. We understand that we have hurt each other and we ask for forgiveness and say we are sorry when we need to, even if it's over something that we've apologized for before. That's part of the process when you really hurt someone. And it's getting okay.

It will never be okay this side of heaven - for any of us. Hurts continue because they are deep seeded and therefore effect the way we become and how we respond to others. Hurt isn't something that is just forgotten. It stays with us because that's part of this fallen world and even because it's a reminder to stay away from that type of situation again. A protection, if you will. Consequences remain, not as a punishment, but as a necessary after effect. We continue to be sinful and we continue to make mistakes. But we don't pretend they are okay and we don't pretend they have gone away.

I think that's the way a family in pain is supposed to be.

Am I going to go to the reunion? Yes and I'll be real and proud of the God whom I serve and the truth He has given me.

Friday Flip Out - Composting

Once again, I have to talk about my local floral nursery. I love that place!

While I was there the last time I found this. It's an indoor compost bin! I asked what it was and here its a compost bin to keep inside your kitchen. I had heard about keeping your own compost pile before but completely ignored it because I knew it had to do with garbage and I didn't want to learn how to do anything with garbage except get rid of it! When I learned that it was incredibly good for my garden, I looked into it more and was sold.

What you do is keep kitchen scraps - egg shells, tea bags, coffee filters and grains, fruits and vegetables including peelings - in this bin. When it's full, you dump it into your outside compost pile and manage that to use on your garden.

Sounds like too much work to me, but keeping an outdoor compost is a very easy thing and if you have a garden it is well worth it. I have learned that you can keep one in something as simple as a tote! I'm going to talk about that further in a separate post, but for now, I am just excited about composting.

Here is why. We have two separate gardens we are growing this year. One has all the regulars and one has hot peppers. You're supposed to keep them separate from the regular peppers because placing them near one another will make them all taste funky. The garden with our regulars is completely exploding. The one with the hot peppers.....not so much. The difference? Compost. We used compost in our regular garden and the difference is amazing.

So, I highly recommend composting, and I'm pretty excited about the cool looking compost kitchen bins that I found while looking this up. They are great because you don't have to go out to your compost pile every time you are wanting to throw out a banana peel, they are attractive enough to keep on your countertop if you want and they use charcoal filters to keep the odor and flies away. Works like a charm!

**Images used from www.gardeners.com, www.gaiam.com and www.amazon.com

Kids Connect - Can You Imagine This Anger?

Jacob Sent Away (Genesis 27)

Reading with your child......
After Jacob tricked Esau and took the blessings that should have belonged to him, Esau became very angry - angry enough that he wanted to kill his brother, Jacob. Rebekah knew that Esau was angry, so in order to protect Jacob, she called him. "Jacob!", she said, "You must leave here because Esau is so angry with you that he wants to kill you. Go to my brother's house in Haran and stay there until I call you to return after your brother is no longer angry and has forgotten what you did to him." So Isaac blessed Jacob and agreed with his wife Rebekah and told Jacob to go live with her brother Laban. He told him to not marry a woman from Canaan because they did not follow God, but to marry someone from Laban's house instead. After this blessing, Jacob left and went to Laban's home and stayed there.

Esau heard that Jacob had left and what his parents had told him. He knew that Isaac and Rebekah wanted Esau and Jacob to marry women who worshipped God and were within their community, so Esau went to Ishmael and married his daughter because he knew that this would make Isaac, his father, angry.

Your child's insights......
- Do you remember why Esau was so angry with Jacob?
- Why did Rebekah want Jacob to leave?
- Do you think Jacob was afraid?
- What else did Esau do in his anger?
- Why did Isaac and Rebekah not want their sons to marry women who did not worship God?
- Who did Esau marry?
- Why do you think he did that?
- What are some things you do when you're angry?

Ideas for prayer with your child......
- Pray that your child would go to God in their anger.
- Pray for a spouse for your child that follows God.

Random thoughts for your consideration.....
1. I'm not a big fan of Rebekah. She's just too dramatic for me. Every time we hear a story about her she's saying, "Why should I go on living?!? - these babies inside me are fighting - I don't like the women who live around me!" I bet she was fun to live with. Just goes to show you that no matter how godly we all are or want to be, we all have our flaws.
2. What made Rebekah think that Esau would just forget about the blessing Jacob stole from him? Taking his blessing was a tremendous offense!
3. What do you think Isaac must have been thinking as this whole thing panned out?
4. I did not realize that Esau married Ishmael's daughter!! He must have thought about the one person who would displease his parents the most, found her and married her. Marrying the daughter of the half brother of Isaac - the one who made fun of him and was told to leave his presence - the one who would compete with the house of Israel forever. Unbelievable!

Any thoughts you want to share? Please do.

Previous kids connect - In between stories
Next kids connect - Dreams from God

Kids Connect - In Between Stories

Our last kids connect ended with Hagar and Ishmael in the wilderness after Isaac's birth. The following stories are ones that are most commonly in kid's Bibles, so I won't be redundant and do them all again here. If you'd like to hear a particular one, please let me know and I'll do a kids connect for you! Here are the stories in between.

• The Offering of Isaac
• Isaac marries Rebekah
  
• Jacob and Esau
• Jacob takes Esau's blessing

Previous Kids Connect - Hagar and Ishmael are sent away

Next Kids Connect - Jacob is sent away