They are His

On Monday I read a post from the Idea Room, the woman who did a giveaway for me, about a precious little girl named Preslee who needed prayer. As I followed her links, I learned that little Preslee had fallen into a canal somehow and was carried 2-3 miles downstream where a farmer found her and began CPR immediately. She was flown to a hospital and placed on life support. During this past week she had her up and down days, but then all of a sudden, on Thursday her mother, Ashley, posted this on their family blog.....

"Preslee has shown us today that perhaps there is a different plan for her than we originally thought. Throughout the events of today and yesterday Preslee’s conditions have changed down a different path and her little spirit is torn between two worlds. Strange to say but there has been a distinct difference in the feeling of her hospital room today. From one day to the next. It’s as if her valiant little spirit is just staying for us. Just staying long enough for us to realize that this is not the end."

Yesterday, Preslee Jo Sullenger passed away.

Why am I writing this?

I have a teeny tiny blog following. I oftentimes sit back and think, "Who in the world cares what I have to think? I'm not a great writer. I'm not an expert at anything. Who would even want to read this?" Not out of self condemnation as much as humility. It's really just another person among the millions who are blogging. I have decided that I'm going to write this blog as a personal journal on thoughts I have just because. That's it. I want to strive to not be worrying about comments and followers even though I do for some reason. I know God knows what I'm writing. Maybe someone will read this, but maybe not. It's a way to share my joys and struggles and questions in life with Him. And if He's the only One who reads it, who am I to ask for anything more?

So here is the reason for this particular post, just in case it is read about later.

I have a tremendous fear of something happening to one of my children. It started the second our first child was born. I worried about SIDS and RSV and a host of other things. I was terrified if anyone had a cold and something happened to him because of that. I have found myself on the verge of major anxiety worrying about car rides. The preparation for an airplane ride is just torture in my head. I don't want to take any risks because I'm afraid of the feeling that Preslee's parents must be experiencing right now. The feeling of never holding their precious child again or the questions of why this happened and how and if it could have been prevented. I'm afraid of reconciling a good God with a tragic happenstance to someone so innocent and the fact that He knew about it beforehand. I just don't get that.

I was talking to a dear friend of mine about these feelings and how crippling they can be at times for me and she looked at me and said, "Really?!?" She could not relate. I couldn't imagine how she had never felt that way and didn't experience those feelings at all. She said to me, "I know my children are God's anyway and He will take care of them."

Those simple words resounded in my head with peace and truth. It actually took me aback. That evening my husband was taking the kids to his parents for the weekend. Not only is it a long trip, but his parents have these incredibly steep wooden steps into their concrete floored basement and then a big old pond right outside their house. Fear, fear, fear. I poked my head in my husband's vehicle to kiss them all and tell them I loved them and that fear started suffocating me. And I heard those words again, "He will take care of them. They are His." It brought me peace because I had to recognize that I truly am powerless. If the end of their days has come, there is zero I can do about it. I am powerless to change anything and what truly matters is that HE IS WITH THEM. HE WILL COMFORT THEM.

I believe He was with Preslee through each step as she approached heaven's throne and I believe He is with her now.

I still beg God to protect my children and to have me go first because I can't imagine the pain of losing them, but I know that no matter what happens in the life of our family, He will be with each one of us, comforting and carrying us through each event.

It's hard to reach out to a parent who has lost a child when I am a parent who hasn't lost a child, but I can advocate for them in prayer and pass their story along so that others will pray for them. If you read this and have a desire to follow this family's story, you can find their blog here. Friends of theirs have also set up a fund for Preslee's parents to cover her medical expenses. If you would like to donate to that fund, you can go to this blogspot or click on this button.