With What Money?

I follow a blog that has to do with human trafficking on change.org. Now, I have to say up front that most of what is posted on this site I do not agree with. I do like the human trafficking section and tend to agree with or at least be able to understand where they are coming from on this issue.

This week I received an email from them (I must have signed up for that somewhere) about the shelter crisis for human trafficking. That article can be viewed here. In the article, Amanda Kloer points out that there are 100,000 new human trafficking victims each year and 80 beds of shelter in which to offer them refuge. She asks us, the reader, during the course of this posting, to contact our state representatives to support and fund services for human trafficking victims.

She goes on....

"The Domestic Minor Sex Trafficking Deterrence and Victims Support Act of 2010 would help get American victims the help they need. If passed, the bill will award six block grants to state or local entities who have a plan to investigate, prosecute and deter sex trafficking, while at the same time providing special services and shelter to victims. It would also help local law enforcement reach out to at-risk populations, like runaway and homeless youth, before the pimps do. And it would help fill the massive gap between the number of children being exploited in America and the number of shelter beds ready for them."

I can get on board with that, but my question is, with what money?

Pennsylvania, the state in which I live, is in debt $41,844,487,003.

That is a lot of money. Now, if I was in debt that much, I couldn't afford ANYTHING!

I hear numbers thrown around all over the place about the debt, our nation's debt, state debt, etc. It almost sounds normal to us to hear these numbers - like they are no big deal. But lately, this has been hitting me differently.

In my opinion, we as Christians, are far too quiet. Too quiet and not taken seriously. I don't think we need to be aggressive, but this is enough.

It is not the place of the government to be stepping in, especially when we have NO money - less than no money even. It is our place to be stepping in. It is our place to support the non-profits that are making the differences in areas we want them to be stepping in - as much as we can - in whatever way we can. It's not always financial. It may be a volunteer effort. It may just be encouragement.

I want the children who are at risk of being trafficked to be taken care of - by US, the PEOPLE, not the government.

Let's step up.

Pursuing Truth

Do I rejoice with the truth? Do I actively pursue God's truth over Satan's lies? *

I don't think this is as easy as it sounds.

Pursuing truth. In our marriages.

What is the truth in your marriage that you need to continually pursue? Are you needing to pursue truth in believing in and resting in your spouse's love for you? Do you need to pursue the truth of harsh realities that seem insurmountable?

I don't believe Christ believes in "pushing things under the rug". I think He likes to deal with things in a straight forward manner. He certainly was not shy about dealing with the Pharisees, even in their thoughts. Nor was He shy about dealing with Mary in her adultery and subsequent stoning incident. He dealt with the truth head on. That's one of the things I love about Him. He doesn't believe in masks and pretending. He is Truth.

Whether we want to face it or not, there are truths we need to admit, believe, and or deal with in our marriages. Sometimes....I wonder if I should even say all the time. We're all sinful and at least my marriage seems to highlight that the most because I am the most "me" in my marriage as compared to all other relationships.

What truth do you need to pursue and even rejoice in through the scope of your marriage today? Rejoice because He, the author of Truth, will help you.

(*Taken from Lysa TerKeurst's book, The Bathtub is Overflowing but I Feed Drained.")

Flirting with Sin

Do you flirt? Flirt with your husband? Flirt with other men? Flirt with sin? Flirting is fairly obvious to the one who is doing it, subtle to those around them at times. Very obvious at others.

Flirting is dangerous if you're married.

I don't want to talk about the flirting we all think of - the light touch, intimate looks and getting closer to the one you probably shouldn't be that close with. I want to talk about flirting in a much more secretive way. The way of the internet.

When I was a teenager and dating, once a relationship was over, especially if you weren't around that person on a day to day basis, it was over. It was as easy as you wanted it to be to detach yourself from the person, get the closure you needed and move on without further interference.

Now that is not such a reality. Facebook, white pages and google searches make it all too easy to find a long lost love. And all too dangerous.

A friend of mine shared a relationship with me that was very difficult to disassociate herself from. It took years for her to finally get over the guy once the relationship started deteriorating. She has since married and has a beautiful family and is very happy in her marriage and with what she has been blessed with. Something as simple as a dream made her look up her ex-boyfriend though. It took less than 5 minutes to find him - where he lived, his phone number, his church and place of employment - even his picture was readily available.

And she started to struggle.

All the "what ifs" started coming right back to her. All the good things that had existed in that relationship started popping up in her mind, especially on those "not so great" marriage days. And the old relationship started to erode the solid, God given marriage she enjoyed.

Thankfully, after a little while she, through prayer and perseverance, was able to shut that person out of her life again, but not without consequence. She wishes now that she didn't know all the information she learned that day because it makes him so easily come into her mind still. And that will continue threaten her marriage if she doesn't keep a close eye on it and take the accountability she needs.

Flirting with danger. Flirting with sin. These subtle ways can be so dangerous.

Keep a close tab on what you are doing in relation to the opposite sex this week. Make sure those old relationships stay old and do NOT bring them into your present because they have great power to destroy.

Challenging Your Marriage - Am I Able to Let it Go?

061 - Mar 2 - Letting Go
Originally uploaded by ladybugrock

It's been a couple of weeks since we talked about challenging our marriages. But I want us to keep going and keep challenging.

This week, let's consider this.....Am I able to forgive and let go of (keeping no record of wrongs) my spouse's shortcomings? Do I use my spouse's past shortcomings as ammunition in today's disagreements or allow these things to taint our communication daily?

Now is a good time for a very appropriate disclaimer.

There are indeed horrible marriages out there. Marriages full of pain and strife - of adultery, unfaithfulness, abuse, deceit and a myriad of other cruelties. I am not an expert at dealing with these things by any stretch of the imagination. I have seen these things happen first hand in marriages and I don't know how some of them withstood. Others I watched fall apart and end in divorce, even appropriately so. While I believe that God wants EVERY marriage to work out, I do not believe that any of the things I mentioned are to be tolerated or accepted in any way. I believe there are times it is appropriate for a divorce to be the final chapter in a marriage. I know it hasn't been designed that way, but humanity is fallen.

I have been thinking about this disclaimer since the beginning of this challenge, but this week seemed the best time to talk about it.

Records of wrongs.

Are they to be held over a spouse's head? No.

Are they to be dealt with? Yes.

I think there is a difference between talking about and dealing with the pain that happens in a marriage and continuing to threaten and hate and harbor bitterness over an issue for years and years. There's a difference. There's a place for accountability. There is a place for forgiveness.

Jesus dealt with things head on - "What's that you're thinking Mr. Pharisee? Why do you say that? Satan get behind me., etc." Jesus does not shy away from dealing with reality.

When true repentance occurs and true change follows, even struggling change, Jesus kept moving forward. He didn't say, "Peter, didn't we talk about trusting Me with the walking on the water incident??? Or Mary, how can you still be sinful after I let you survive the wrath of your stoners?"

Are we moving forward in our marriages, no matter what the circumstances? Dealing and/or forgiving? Are you unsure what you are supposed to do in your marriage because of the pain that exists?

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5

Let's ask for wisdom and grace to live this challenge as God would want us to.

A Stick of Dynamite Anyone?

Am I self-controlled (not easily angered) with my spouse? In other words, I could describe myself as not having a short fuse or quick temper.

You know what??? I am REALLY good at this. Ummmm.... Except for when my husband is late coming home from work or doesn't clean up things he gets out or is moving too slowly. Maybe its time for reassessment.

I used to yell at my husband - a lot. Actually it was when we were dating. I'll never forget him looking at me one time and telling me he was tired of me yelling and how it hurt him when I did. Surprisingly I didn't even realize I was yelling! It just happened. I told him I wouldn't do it again. And although I have been really upset and "raised my voice", I can say that I haven't yelled. I truly had no idea I was hurting him with the way I was talking to him about who knows what.

Losing our self control is way too easy - so easy that it's hard to even notice. It's easy to notice the slamming doors and things like that, but the more subtle ways we lose control - rolling eyes, sighing, cutting words - because we're upset about who knows what.

This week, I'm going to try to pay closer attention to what I'm doing when I'm feeling impatient and work to change those things. Perhaps it's as simple as needing some extra rest. Perhaps it's a matter of self discipline. We'll see.

Thoughts?

Self Seeking

Am I selfless (not self seeking) with my spouse? In other words, Do I focus on my spouses' needs and wants and balance them with my own.

This can be a tricky concept I think. How do you balance your spouse's needs with your own?

I'm not even close to having this one figured out. My husband and I regularly have the "What do you want today to look like?" conversation. Since I'm the talker and the more selfish one out of the two of us I inevitably end up being the one who spews out my to do list. Then we, ummm, somehow, forget to touch base with what he wanted to do. His to do list gets put to the side and at the end of the day I'm wondering why he seems frustrated.

This isn't just about to do lists - it's about spirituality, refreshment, matters of intimacy, emotions.

How do you balance your needs and your spouse's? I could use some tips and the more practical and concrete the better!

Considering Grace

Am I gracious (not rude) to my spouse? In other words, do I build up my spouse with my words spoken in private and in public?

Agenda Seeking

Agendas are big conversation around this house.

Recently my husband and I both came up with a list of priorities regarding our home. We compared in order to make a decision on what to do with it next. When we looked at our priorities, they were EXACTLY opposite of one another! I mean EXACT!

That is the way my husband and I seem to work. On a daily basis. On a long term basis. Decisions are often times of crisis because we have agendas that do not compliment one another.

We've been trying to work on this area of our marriage though. I know my husband loves it when I consider his agenda before mine and even though that feels painful at times, I love my husband and I do want him to be happy.

Here are some ways I try to consider his agenda:

1. Ask questions. Questions like what do you want today to look like? Is there anything you feel behind on that I can help you with? What are you missing and looking for in our marriage/your job/your walk with Christ and how can I help you with that?
2. Pay attention. Is there something he is mentioning that is bothering him or on his mind that you can take care of?
3. Don't let your right hand know what your left is doing. Don't bring up all the ways you are helping him and all the ways you feel behind on what you are doing. It just ruins it.

How about trying some of these with me this week. For one week we'll consider our husbands' agendas first and see what happens.

Any agenda tricks you'd like to share? Let's hear them!

Challenging Pride

The consideration of pride.....

Am I humble (not proud) with my spouse? In other words, I do not think my agenda is more important than my spouse's agenda.

Think about these things and we'll talk more about it tomorrow.

Boasting Dog

I happened across this picture and thought - "Wow! This dog looks as ridiculous as I must when I'm bragging about myself!" I think his image may keep in me check this week!

Considering Boastfulness and Weigh Ins

Consider this question with me this week - Am I encouraging (not boastful) to my spouse? Put a different way by Lysa, Do I brag about my accomplishments while downplaying theirs?

Again, more thoughts on this tomorrow.

Now that we are 4 weeks in to this challenge, I wanted to do some weigh ins.

I remember being in high school and watching the wrestlers practically kill themselves a few days before a match - either struggling to lose weight by running through the hallways and every where else dressed in everything in their closets or stuffing themselves with anything even resembling food - just to get to the perfect weight. After watching some of them I'm surprised they were able to wrestle at all and I wonder how many of them, after losing, wondered if it was all worth it at all.

Wrestling was a match by match sport, but the results accumulated into how they were placed when it came to wrestling in sections, districts, regionals and for the really good ones, states. After that it was solely a match status. If you won at that point, you kept going. If you lost, you were out until next season.

Through the last 4 weeks, I have had many opportunities to prepare for the "weigh in" process, but in all honesty, so many - more than not - I have opted out. The first week seemed promising when I didn't tell off the woman at the Wal-Mart check out counter for being rude to my kids and when I took deep breaths to keep from saying something I didn't want to and even when I apologized for losing my patience. The kindness week started the downhill trend. I started focusing on me and what I felt like I was losing out on or giving up more or whatever. Kindness was exemplified by shutting my mouth on occasion and that was about it. I wasn't mean all week long - it's just that when that kindness factor was tested I almost always caved to it. The envy week was not much better. There was one specific day after being incredibly frustrated that I simply HAD to rattle off to my husband how much I had done to serve HIM while simultaneously pointing out how he had not served ME enough. Nice. Sometimes I don't know how my husband does it.

I think this is a worthwhile endeavor - challenging these areas in my marriage and I'm thankful, hopefully, for a week that may not be as challenging for me. I hope to take this week and reflect and focus more on the areas that were hard for me and attempt to do better. Hopefully that will pan out!

If you're participating in the marriage challenge, how is it going for you? A particular week easy or hard for you? Let me know! I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Thoughts on Envy

Lately I have noticed loneliness as a common thread running through my life. It seems to be all around me. I’m also noticing that the lonelier I’m getting the more envious I’m getting too.

Wishing I had as many friends as that other friend does, or followers in blog land terms. Wishing I had the marriage that person seems to or the strength of character of that one. Wishing I had the success that person does or even that I got as many thank you’s as them.

When envy reaches into the depths of a marriage, its reach can become potent. As I considered the question – am I supportive? And then, do I keep track of what I do in comparison to my husband?, I had to step back. And answer no.

I want to support my husband and all that he does, but I can not say that I do that in all humility and grace all the time. It’s hard, as a stay at home mom, to listen to all the great things my husband gets to do at work and all that he accomplishes there and not feel envious. It’s hard, when staying at home is mostly a thankless enterprise, to work at everything around the house in the name of all the people who live there and not keep track of what I’ve done in comparison to what I feel my husband has or hasn’t done in the same arena. I knew I was going to write about this tonight, but as I talked to my husband tonight, the conversation took on a flavor of envy. And I’m the one who injected it. It seemed completely justifiable – the things I was comparing. And maybe it was, but it is not my job to bring that up. It is God’s.

You know, part of me likes the envy. Part of me likes setting up the comparisons and pointing out everything I feel like I’ve done to make our home a better place, etc. because I want to hear it. And I want my husband to hear it too. It’s still wrong though.

My purpose in life is to trust in God and that He can and WILL take care of me and even that He SEES ME. I’m learning, very slowly, but hopefully also very surely, that God longs to be with me in the loneliness and insecurity I’m experiencing. That all that REALLY matters is that He and I are together. I MUST find a way to focus on Him at every turn so that I don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. I MUST focus on Him to keep the focus off of myself. When I start being envious and unsupportive of my husband; when I start comparing EVERYTHING I feel like I am doing around the house, or with the kids, or whatever else in comparison to what I think he is or isn’t doing, I’m focusing on me. And that results in distance between myself and my husband and my God.

The plan for this week is to keep focusing on Him and to know that He has made me exactly who He wants me to be. That He gives me the purposes in my life (and that He gives my husband the purposes in his) because we were designed for them. Perhaps God sees them both as worthy enterprises – the mom staying home doing laundry and the man working in other’s lives out of the house.

When I know that I have no true reason to be envious, the envy can stop. I pray that it will.

Does envy effect you or your marriage? How do you fight it?

Considering Envy

Continuing on with our marriage challenge this week: Am I envious?

In order to help consider whether or not you are envious, ask yourself these questions:

• Am I supportive?
• Do I keep score when I feel like I do more?
  

More thoughts on this tomorrow.

Thoughts on Kindness

Disclaimer - I'm feeling pretty sarcastic tonight, so we'll see how this goes.....

So everyone knows what it means to be kind. I decided for kicks (meaning for the sake of this blog post), I would google "how to be kind". Some crazy stuff came up and then I saw that ehow.com and wikihow both talked about kindness. I think it's kind of sad that people have actually typed up how to be kind, but I'm going to join the ranks of sadness myself and write about it too. I'm going to paraphrase what I actually found to be some interesting tips and I'm going to try them on my husband this week. I'm pretty sure he'll notice. Here is the complete article if you'd like to see it. And without further ado and in no particular order........

• Smile.
• Be positive. Ehow suggests using a positive attitude and tone of voice instead of calling names and cursing. What a novel idea! (And that would be an example of sarcasm and not positive attitude.)
  
• Compliment your spouse.
  
• Listen by making eye contact and not interrupting. Oh, my husband would like the eye contact thing instead of my bonding with the computer while he talks. (Mental note.)
• Say thank you. Let your spouse know in some way you appreciate them. My husband sent me a text yesterday saying he was glad to have had some time with just me during the day. Made a huge difference in my day.
• Be polite.
  
• Offer to help your spouse with something. (No. Not pack their bags.)
  
• Be nice.

There you have it. As sing songy as that is, it's still true and good thoughts to go on to be kind. See if there is something on this list that you could challenge yourself to work on this week. And remember, NO SWEARING!

Challenging Your Marriage - Am I Kind?

Consider with me this week....

In my marriage, am I kind to my spouse? Am I kind in thought, words and actions toward them?

More on this tomorrow....

Thoughts on Patience

Patience. The necessity of patience in a marriage is incredible.

Patience when he is running late from work and has forgotten to call....again. Patience when she sweeps up dirt piles and then forgets to clean them up.....again. Patience when the budget seems like it's never finished. Patience when neither of you know exactly what to do with a particular parenting problem. Patience when children don't arrive, even though you desperately want them. Patience through illness. The list is never ending.

I am an impulsive person. Impulsivity does not easily lend itself to patience. In fact in my case, it seems pretty near impossible. Yet in order to love, I must be patient.

Acknowledging that my husband didn't call me because he forgot, not because he could care less about me helps. Intentions and motives make all the difference in being patient. So do deep breaths and steps backwards.

Considering intentions and motives seems selfish though. What about a spouse who is difficult to love for whatever reason? How can I act patiently with them when my heart is far from them? How can I be patient when I just don't want to be?

FOCUS. Prayer. God, the author and perfector of love itself, is the only way to any true and heartfelt change. He is the only One who is going to change something so deeply engrained within me. Letting the Holy Spirit work in my life in this area is the part that will be the most difficult. How sad is it that things that are so against my grain literally feel painful when I try to change them? It is so much easier to just stay the way I am and expect my husband will still accept me or at least accept that our marriage will be the same as it's always been.

But I'll still see the look.

The look of hurt when I tell him he's done something wrong.....again. The look of hurt when I fly off the handle about something ridiculous. The look of loneliness when he thinks he has to meet all my desires and needs. Right now!

That should be my biggest motivator after God's calling for me to obey Him.

The next time I am tempted to lose my patience and freak out about whatever, I'm going to look into the eyes of who I am interacting with, be it a friend, my children or my husband. Don't eyes reveal the soul of the person? I'm going to remember that I am talking to one of God's beautiful creations. And if I mess up, I'll pray about it and try again the next time because if you're me, which I am, there will be MANY opportunities to instill patience in my soul.

Share with me your thoughts. I have a feeling I'm going to need them.

Challenging Your Marriage - Am I Patient?

I just finished reading the book "The Bathtub is Overflowing But I Feel Drained" by Lysa TerKeurst. Each time I picked up the book and read another chapter I was reminded to reset my focus, reset my focus, reset my focus. On Him. On what actually matters. I was challenged in my walk with Christ, my parenting and my marriage. I expected a cheesy mom book but that's not what I got.

Lysa inspired me to take a hard look at my marriage. In light of that, I'm starting a series called "Challenging My Marriage". I'm going to be using the Marriage Assessment based on 1 Corinthians 13 Lysa uses in her book. Each week we'll be challenged to take another look into our marriages based on the calling of Christ. To participate, just ask yourself the question and if you need to make improvements pray about it and strive to do the hard work. I believe coming alongside each other and working together will help - for encouragement, accountability and wisdom. Encourage your friends and readers to challenge their marriages by taking the button on the side and posting it on your blog or website. On Mondays the questions will be posed and on Tuesday I'll prayerfully give some of my thoughts. I challenge you to truthfully think on the things we comment on here, share your thoughts and strengths and weaknesses on these issues and encourage one another.

Consider with me......

Am I patient with my spouse? In other words am I flexible and understanding?

Priority Challenge Wrap Up

So, it's been 2 weeks. How did your priority challenge go? I hope you found your participation to be worthwhile and I hope that participating in the challenge helped you to clarify some priorities in your life that may have become cloudy.

I have decided to make a change in my lifestyle as a result of this challenge and from now on I will be an early bird instead of a night owl, even though my body fights against it! In keeping my physical balance, my husband is own board with this and has agreed to help me out by giving me one night a week to stay up late and get up late the next morning, which I am thrilled about and feel very grateful for! I think that will help get me through those mornings when it's hard to get up.

Let us know how your challenge went and if you'd like to see this happen again in the future!

Priority Challenge Check In

A week ago I explained to you that I was issuing myself a priority challenge, which you can learn more about here if you don't already know. In sum, I challenged myself to change my priorities to reflect what they are and not what they have fallen into. Today I wanted to take some time to check in with you to hold myself accountable and encourage you in your journey in challenging your priorities too.

I told you how I struggle with getting up early because I'm a very happy night owl. My challenge is to get up earlier for 2 weeks to spend my God time before my family gets up and going to bed earlier at night.

God has a sense of humor. In my devotionals during the week I read this verse: "It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep." (Psalm 127:2) In the actual context of this verse, Solomon is saying that anything built outside of God is vanity. In the context of my challenge it was quite ironic. I had to read that one to my husband. I said, "See, it's okay if I go to bed late and don't want to get up early! He can minister to me in my sleep!!" He thought it was funny......

Anyway, I have felt very good about getting up early and have enjoyed spending my God time and spending time with my family first thing in the morning. I have not had nearly as hard of a time as I thought I would in getting up early which is was a very pleasant surprise. On the other hand, it's hard. I love staying up late and spending time reading blogs and researching fun things on the internet. I love watching Fox News and hearing what is happening in our country and watching reruns of comedies I enjoy. I am missing that and feeling frustrated about that. I am also exhausted!!!

However, I'm learning that the things God wants from me are not necessarily easy things. I have always known that in my head, but I have also had the opinion, I guess, that if something was God's will, and not concretely described in His word, it should be smooth and easy. I know always telling the truth and remaining faithful and pulling the log out of my own eye, etc. were very hard things to do. Other things, like pursuing a particular path in life, I have always viewed differently. A challenge has always represented God not approving of what I'm doing. I have thought I should have complete peace if I'm doing God's will and not struggle with it. Holding this belief has made it difficult to stick with things and not become easily frustrated. Starting the business has been an emotional rollercoaster for me because of this belief. I think God is showing me the beauty of perseverance - that even though it is hard to change this priority, it is the right thing to do.

How is your priority challenge going? Let us know and be encouraged. God sees your efforts.

Priority Challenge

I have been fighting for a long time now. You know that feeling of guilt you feel convicted by but at the same time overwhelmed by. The one that leads to inaction. Let me tell you about one of mine.

Since we moved into our home about a year ago I have been late for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. I don't know why. It's very frustrating. I feel like I'm behind with everything all the time and am powerless to do anything about it. I keep trying, but the tasks keep piling on.

I was talking to my husband about my frustrations last week and told him I haven't spent any time with God lately because I am too busy working on the business. As soon as those words exited my mouth I knew something had to change.

I'm a night owl all the way. Morning time holds no interest to me. I stay up late after the kids go to bed and work, watch TV, whatever. I love it. There are several problems that have arisen from that. It is hard to get up in the morning. In all honesty, I have missed out on a lot of precious time with my husband and children because of this. Being a night owl isn't bad, but it's bad for me at this stage in my life.

So, I issued myself a priority challenge. For the next two weeks I am going to get up an hour before my kids usually do and spend my God time first thing. I'm also going to go to bed around 10 so that I get enough sleep. I am a few days into my challenge so far and I'm looking for joiners. Will you join me in challenging a priority that needs to move up or down the totem pole in your life? Let's encourage one another!