Challenging Your Marriage - Am I Able to Let it Go?

061 - Mar 2 - Letting Go
Originally uploaded by ladybugrock

It's been a couple of weeks since we talked about challenging our marriages. But I want us to keep going and keep challenging.

This week, let's consider this.....Am I able to forgive and let go of (keeping no record of wrongs) my spouse's shortcomings? Do I use my spouse's past shortcomings as ammunition in today's disagreements or allow these things to taint our communication daily?

Now is a good time for a very appropriate disclaimer.

There are indeed horrible marriages out there. Marriages full of pain and strife - of adultery, unfaithfulness, abuse, deceit and a myriad of other cruelties. I am not an expert at dealing with these things by any stretch of the imagination. I have seen these things happen first hand in marriages and I don't know how some of them withstood. Others I watched fall apart and end in divorce, even appropriately so. While I believe that God wants EVERY marriage to work out, I do not believe that any of the things I mentioned are to be tolerated or accepted in any way. I believe there are times it is appropriate for a divorce to be the final chapter in a marriage. I know it hasn't been designed that way, but humanity is fallen.

I have been thinking about this disclaimer since the beginning of this challenge, but this week seemed the best time to talk about it.

Records of wrongs.

Are they to be held over a spouse's head? No.

Are they to be dealt with? Yes.

I think there is a difference between talking about and dealing with the pain that happens in a marriage and continuing to threaten and hate and harbor bitterness over an issue for years and years. There's a difference. There's a place for accountability. There is a place for forgiveness.

Jesus dealt with things head on - "What's that you're thinking Mr. Pharisee? Why do you say that? Satan get behind me., etc." Jesus does not shy away from dealing with reality.

When true repentance occurs and true change follows, even struggling change, Jesus kept moving forward. He didn't say, "Peter, didn't we talk about trusting Me with the walking on the water incident??? Or Mary, how can you still be sinful after I let you survive the wrath of your stoners?"

Are we moving forward in our marriages, no matter what the circumstances? Dealing and/or forgiving? Are you unsure what you are supposed to do in your marriage because of the pain that exists?

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5

Let's ask for wisdom and grace to live this challenge as God would want us to.

Darts

Yesterday I posted on the Todd Agnew song Grace Like Rain. The last sentence I typed was "be encouraged that our sins have been washed away". The second I finished typing it, I felt like someone threw a dart into my stomach.

I have such a hard time believing in and accepting that grace.

This past weekend I went shopping. Completely out of the blue - I mean I NEVER expected it - wasn't even on my radar - I ran into an ex-boyfriend. I didn't run into him literally; I just happened to be in the same store as he was. We didn't interact with each other. I don't think he even recognized me. I couldn't believe the effect that had on me. I had chalked that relationship up to a very young, very terrible mistake. This guy took advantage of me in incredible ways and I let him. I take responsibility that I made huge mistakes, but I also acknowledge that he, as a person significantly older than me, knew what he was doing much more than I did. In light of that, I found it pretty easy to dismiss him.

When I saw him it was different. Seeing him and after seeing him, my mind went into a tailspin. I started feeling the same insecurities I had during and after our dating relationships. I started questioning why I wasn't "worth" it for him to stick around. I started thinking about the regret I should be feeling and the weight I "should" be putting on myself over the mistakes I made there, especially in light of my incredible husband and what he deserves. Things I hadn't struggled with in a long time were all right in front of me again.

I don't know how to accept that "grace like rain". I know He says it's for me, but I don't live like I believe it is for me in my heart. I believe that if I regret something and have made mistakes, I should carry that regret around with me. To rid myself of it is to brush it off, to not really care.

I know God wants me to experience His grace and peace. I just don't know how to work with that regret and God's gifts together.

I also know that Satan exists. And I know that this is what God has to say about Him, in part. "Take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." He throws arrows. He throws darts. Arrows to pierce and cripple.

Satan has been throwing flaming arrows at me since Saturday and I have not guarded myself with a shield of faith - the belief that God's with me in all of this and has the power to take care of this - in His way. I don't believe I am supposed to forget what I did or what happened in that relationship, but there has to be a way God's grace can flow through those memories. Leaving that shield down is only going to expose me to more arrows.

I'm going to stop and ask God for the shield of faith today.

Can you relate to any of this?