Just Can't Deny Him

Our pastor has been talking quite a bit about putting Christ ahead of EVERYTHING we do. Every conversation. Every outing. Everything.

I've been trying that lately and have truly been surprised at what I have experienced.

My son had a birthday party a few weeks ago. I usually freak out about those things the day I am getting ready for them because nothing seems to be done quite when I want it to be. I had so much to do with canning, preparing food, cleaning, etc. I prayed the night before, acknowledging I didn't understand how in the world God would help me through that day without being totally stressed out.

It was amazing. The next day I was not stressed out - at all! My husband, "Mr. Relaxed" (compared to me), was stressed out, but I wasn't. I couldn't believe it! (And neither could he. He kept looking at me like I wasn't real!)

Now I know you're not supposed to share numbers and all that information when it comes to checking accounts, business, weight, age, etc. but I'm going to break the rules for a little bit just because I can't help it.

I took the business to an expo last weekend. The last time I did that, it was a total flop and I lost quite a bit of money. I decided to try again hoping it was a better venue. And I decided to try to pray. I had about $300 in my business checking account when I went. I prayed that God would be before me at the expo, that His will would be done and that I would do what He wanted of me.

A day before the expo happened I got an order in for a bunch of pajama pants. That supplier sets a minimum order of 50 pairs of "punjammies" per order. That ended up totaling $1090. I had no idea how I was going to pay for it. I thought it was a good idea to buy these particular items because they are so popular and are my best sellers online. I had been praying about that order, knowing it was coming up, for about a month.

I went to the expo. The expo happened. Friday to Sunday. Sunday night I tallied up the total. $1090. The same exact number - almost to the penny - for what I needed to write a check for the next day.

I started freaking out. I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it because it was so amazing and just beyond coincidence. I couldn't believe it because He obviously answered my prayer and I was surprised that He could be that exact - that He would be that exact. You hear about situations like that with other people, but that's not a normal experience for me. Actually that has never happened to me before.

Any of you who have been following this blog for any length of time know that the business has been a very frustrating, difficult and wearing thing - beyond my expectations. Part of that weariness was just wondering if I was doing the right thing.

That answered prayer - so simple for Him - so incredibly amazing to me - helped me feel so much more peaceful about what is happening here.

I know I'll feel discouraged and frustrated again. I know I'll doubt whether or not the business should continue and one of these days He may just say it is over.

I'm just excited and feel so blessed that He heard my prayer and answered it in the way He did this time. And I had to share it with you.

Do you feel God has answered any of your prayers beyond what you imagined? If you could imagine something being answered in your life right now what would it be?

Why Blogging Bites

I mentioned to you yesterday the loneliness I've been experiencing lately.

One of the major areas of discontent and loneliness of my life has been through the course of starting the business. I have found blogging and web business enterprises to be very lonely ventures. There is a lot of competition out there. Did you know there are over 250 million websites out there?

I have run into several blogs that seem to have exploded in a short amount of time with thousands of followers and readers and all that other stuff. I go to Target all the time. Business success right in front of me.

I obviously do not run the Idea Room nor do I run Target! And that is lonely.

I have been racking my brain for the last several months - wondering what I'm doing wrong. And also just wondering what I'm doing. Striving to find great ways to encourage the survival of the business and my blogs. So many of those outreaches have just flopped. And that has driven me crazy because I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. I'm worn out from striving and I want to be done being worn out.

I do pray about almost everything I post and do with the business. But I AM STRIVING. I am not resting in Him to guide me. I am pushing ahead after quick prayers and hopes that things will work out because, hey, why wouldn't they? They all sound like phenomenal ideas to me!

It sounds contradictory, but I am going to make a serious effort to rest in Him. To take longer to pray before making decisions. To take more breaks just to think - or not think. Blogging, I have found, can consume my entire mind for great lengths of time. What to blog about next? How to write it? On and on. It's interesting because when I when I even THINK about hiding in the refuge He offers me and resting in His strength, I feel SO MUCH MORE peaceful. What a beautiful gift He offers me. I want to start accepting it now. And I don't want to go back.

Can you relate?




My Fortress - Jeremy Camp
I can feel it coming over me,
All the weight of what this fear can bring.
I know on my own I can't survive,
And I'm fading fast now.
I'm closing in on what's in store for me,
All the rest in your security.
I'm holding on to the words You speak,
And You're speaking clear now.
I'm running fast to seek Your face,
Head first I dive into Your grace.

Chorus:
You are my fortress,
You are the refuge where I hide.
You are the strength when I can't fight,
You are the only one I rest my life in.
You are the only hope I find,
You are my only peace of mind.
You are the only one I rest my life in.

I'm taking hold of what's in front of me,
A place where I can rest my weary feet.
There's no other place that I can go,
So I'm waiting here now.
I'm letting go what the world will bring,
A sanctuary that will never breathe.
I found my heart in that place before,
But I'll never go back.
I'm running fast to seek your face,
Head first I dive into your grace.

You are my fortress
You are the refuge where I hide.
You are the strength when I can't fight,
You are the only one I rest my life in.
You are the only hope I find,
You are my only peace of mind.
You are the only one I rest my life in.

I get lost within that place,
The place where I'll always wish I stay.
Oh.

Oh, You are my fortress,
You are the refuge.
You are the only hope I find,
You are the only one I rest my life in. Oh, You are my fortress,
You are the refuge.
You are my only peace of mind,
You are the only one I rest my life in.
Oh, You are the only one,
Only one I rest my life in Lord.
You are my hope,
My strength, my life, my peace.
My rock, my joy, my everything now, oh.
You are the refuge where I hide,
You are the only one I rest my life in.

Friday Flip Out - Taking Time Off

For the last week, my family and I have been on vacation. I think it took me until Wednesday to start relaxing.

The last six months can only be described as a self propelled rollercoaster in my mind. After prayer, consideration, counsel and affirmation from my husband, I decided to start my own business. It is amazing how much I did not consider or think of when deciding to do that.

It seemed like such a simple concept and the pieces started falling together quickly. But then reality started to set in. A friend of mine told me there are over 250 million websites out there...and I'm in competition with them? Me, an occupational therapist, is attempting to run all aspects of a business and blog with no prior experience except I know how to take pictures, I like to organize and do research and I have dabbled in Quick Books a little. Oh, and I like to shop. That's my experience.

When I was a teenager I worked in a family run petting zoo. I watched my aunt and uncle leave church early, stress out, argue with one another and miss important functions all in the name of their business. After watching them I vowed I would never own my own business.

Guess what? I own my own business. I have learned since becoming a mom that every single thing I said I would never do, I will absolutely do. This is one of them.

I want to talk about the experience of starting a business/blog more here, but for the time being I think it is sufficient to call it a man made rollercoaster of an experience. I decided to do it and now I'm on a rollercoaster.

Terrific ideas, the drive to tell others and develop community and even to help others, yet getting off the ground is not easy at all, nor is it guaranteed. In my small part of the canvas, I'm not sure I have even wobbled off the ground yet. I think many bloggers and small business owners feel that way.

It is a mind and soul consuming process and it's important to take a break. It is nearly impossible for me to take those breaks but intermittently they have happened over the course of the last week. It is indeed something to flip out about. It eases the guilt of the time it takes to develop these things. It refreshes the soul and in my case, my family. It reminds me of the peace that existed before "the business".

When I'm in my "good place" I KNOW that this blog, this business is NOT to be about ME. So much, so much I'm ashamed to say and even admit to myself, is about me in my life. I consider myself first almost always; a great character flaw of mine. I want to and need to remember that this and all I do and all that happens around me is to communicate to others how wonderful God is, to glorify Him, not me. I want to be wonderful. I want other people to think I'm wonderful, but that is a temptation. It is true that I still need to work hard and I need to focus myself to pray that His will would be done and what I do would glorify Him. Ultimately He is in charge of what happens here. That's a fact. When I remember that, I can take a break.

Are you starting your own blog or business? Let's relax together for the moment, taking a deep breath, saying a quick prayer and remembering, it's not about Him.